On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
