flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
