dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
