look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
