I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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