At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
