DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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