Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
