I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
