just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
