It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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