the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You ate ashes out of my bong
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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