Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
