I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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