I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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