drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
