I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
