I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
