Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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