how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.