wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher