Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
