i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
