dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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