I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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