I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
