I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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