Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You took a bar mat shot.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
