I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
