i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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