we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was CRYING into my vagina
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
