Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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