This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
