the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
