even my farts smell like vagina
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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