I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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