Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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