so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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