It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
