Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
