Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
