Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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