On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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