The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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