I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
