If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
