You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
