his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
