Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
