I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
