I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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