the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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