Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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