Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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