I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
