batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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