Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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