Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
