yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
