i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
