i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
