Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
