you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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