Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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