So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
More tranny stories later!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
