apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
