Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
