This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
