Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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