Apparently you make a good broom.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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