I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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