ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
