Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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