you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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