I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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