UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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