I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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